Bend It Like Beckham (2002)

Directed by Gurinder Chandha (1)

Cast: Parminder Nagra (2), Keira Knightley (3), Jonthan Rhys Meyers (4), and Archie Panjabi (5)

(Watch the trailer)

My favourite quotes - "Don't worry, Miss Bahmra. Our designs will make even these little mosquito bites look like juicy, juicy mangos!", & "Look, Jessie. You can't plan who you fall for. It just happens."


I've never been a fan of football. In fact, I'm more of an ice hockey kind of gal. But recently, I've been involved in a lot of football shows - the second season of MediaCorp's First XI (a football reality show) and weekly live S-League matches at Jalan Besar Stadium. So I've learnt to appreciate the game a little more. Which led me to re-watch the film Bend It Like Beckham. 

I'm Asian but I live in a western-influenced society. Do you know what that means? That means I am torn between my roots and my upbringing. Maybe not as much as Jess is in Bend It Like Beckham, but I can totally relate to her and her woes. My dad is quite a traditional guy, but my mum is more open minded. My dad loves watching Chinese and Hong Kong movies and Taiwanese soaps on television, while my mum would watch Hollywood blockbuster movies or any other English films on HBO or Star World. I grew up getting a very good mix of Asian culture and Western influence. But considering the fact that we speak English at home, I lean more towards the more modern western values and ideals.

Jess: I'm joining a girls team.
Mrs Bhamra: Huh?
Jess: They want me to play in proper matches. The coach said I could go far.
Mrs Bhamra: Go far? Go far to where? Jessie, we let you play all you wanted when you were younger. You've played enough. 
Jess: That's not fair. He selected me.
Mrs Bhamra: He? She said it was girls.
Jess: The coach Joe.
Mrs Bhamra: See how she lies. I don't want you running half naked in front of men huh. Look how dark you've become.
Jess: But mum! I'm really good.
Mrs Bhamra: What family will want a daughter-in-law who can run around kicking football all day but can't make round chapatis? Now exams are over, I want you to learn full Punjabi dinner. Meat and vegetarian.
Jess: But dad!
Mrs Bhamra: No! This is how you spoil her. No. This is how it started with your niece. The way that girl would answer back. And then running off to become a model wearing small small skirts.
Jess: Mum, she's a fashion designer.
Mrs Bhamra: She's divorced that's what she is. Cast off after 3 years of being married to a white boy with blue hair. Her poor mother. She hasn't been able to set foot in that temple since. I don't want this shame on my family. That's it! No more football.
Mr Bhamra: Jessie your mother is right. It's not nice. You must start behaving like a proper woman. Okay?

Thankfully my parents aren't as traditional as Jesminder's parents. But! I remember when I was in secondary school, I wanted to buy flannel shirts and jumpers to wear but my mum refused to buy them for me because she felt that it was too manly and as a girl I should only be wearing dresses and skirts. Which is ironic considering my colleagues call me Manly Monica or Gor these days. (See the post on the film She's The Man) 

So from a young age, I was already wearing heels and long flowing dresses and skirts. Now that I buy my own clothes, it's mostly t-shirts and jeans for me. 

"Oh it'll be your turn soon ah? Do you want a clean-shaven boy like your sister, or a proper Sikh with a full beard and turban?"

Thankfully, my parents aren't rushing me to the alter. But as I get older, I really dread facing questions during the Lunar New Year period on when I'm getting married. Especially since the only cousin older than me on my mum's side is married with a 1 year old kid, AND my younger cousin is getting hitched this August. I mean, you can't rush these things okay. Chill!

Jess: Joe! I'm going! They said I could go! (Joe and Jess hug each other tightly)
Men in Background: Oi, oi, oi! 
Jess: I'm sorry, I forgot. 
Joe: That's okay now. I'm not your coach anymore. We can do what we want. (Joe leans in to kiss Jess. Jess wants to, but pulls back)
Jess: Joe... 
Joe: (quickly pulls away) Your dad's not here is he? 
Jess: I'm sorry Joe. I can't. 
Joe: I thought you wanted... 
Jess: Letting me go is a really big step for my mum and dad. I don't know how they'd survive if I told them about you too. 
Joe: I guess there's not much point with you going to America anyway. Is there? (Jess shakes her head and they hug each other tightly)

My younger cousin is getting married in August, and her husband-to-be is a Caucasian. No, she's not Indian, but... she's muslin. So like Joe and Jess, it's an issue about race for my uncle and aunt. But on top of that, it's about religion as well. I don't know if her fiancé is converting to be with her, but my uncle did. He converted to Islam so that he could marry my aunt. He was a Catholic, and back in the day, my great grand parents were not just staunch Catholics, they were traditionalists too. But, that's buried in the past  and everything worked out well eventually. But still, it's something that I really admire about my uncle and aunt. Their willingness to face the displeasure of their families to be with one another is really inspiring. 

But of course, this is very telling of the difficulties one faces with regards to interracial marriages and relationships where religion and beliefs are affected. 

Mel: So are you like promised to someone then?
Jess: Nah no way. My sister's getting married soon. It's a love match.
Mel: What's that mean?
Jess: It's not arranged.
Hounslow Harrier Player 1: So, if you can choose does that mean you can marry a white boy?
Jess: White, no. Black, definitely not. A Muslin, eh-eh!
Jules: Guess you'll be marrying an Indian then.
Jess: Probably.
Mel. Sorry. I don't know how you Indian girls put up with it. 
Jess: It's just culture that's all. Better than sleeping around with boys you aren't going to marry. What's the point in that?
Hounslow Harrier Player 2: That's the best bit!
Hounslow Harrier Player 3: Yeah. You should know.

Directed by Gurinder Chadha who herself is married to a "white boy", Bend It Like Beckham is not the only film of hers to feature the theme of an arranged married vs a love match. In her next film Bride And Prejudice, also covers that topic and is my favourite film of hers. In fact, it was after watching  Bride And Prejudice that I noticed Grinder Chadha's work. Which resulted in me following her other films like The Mistress Of Spices and Angus, Thongs And Perfect Snogging.

But arranged marriages don't just occur in the Indian community. My dad's parents were also married as a result of an arranged marriage. However, I don't think such matches would work very well in modern times. In the past, divorce is a taboo. But now, people have increasingly romantic notions of true love, and the concept of staying together without love present in the relationship is rare. That is probably why people choose divorce over living with someone in a loveless relationship. Perhaps now, vows should include a clause - "I, _____, take you, _____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife). To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, or when we fall out of love with each other."

I've always felt that love isn't the only thing one needs to sustain a marriage. But loving your partner definitely helps make it a little easier to stay together and work through whatever issues you might face.

So when you find 'the one', hold on tight and fight for it. Even if its a kind of forbidden love.

Jess: Pinks, how do you know Teet's the one?

Pinky: I just know. When you're in love with someone, you'd do anything for that person.

Jess: Pinks, do you think mum and dad will still speak to me though if I brought home a gorah?

Pinky: Who?

Jess: No one. I'm just saying.

Pinky: It's that coach bloke isn't it. I knew something was up when he turned up here.

Jess: No, nothing's happened.

Pinky: Yeah, well you make sure that it doesn't alright! Look Jess, you can marry anyone you want. It's fine at first when you're in love and all that. But do you really want to be the one that everyone stares at. Every family do because you married the English bloke.
Jess: He's Irish.

Pinky: Yeah well they all look the bloody same to them isn't it. And anyway why go through so much grief when there's so many good looking Indian boys to marry. It's not like before you know. Now they wear good clothes, got flashy jobs, even know how to cook and wash up.

Joe and Jess have a lot working against them. Besides the issue of race, the fact that Joe is her coach makes it worse. I'm not very sure how old Joe is supposed to be in Bend It Like Beckham but I think that its really no big deal to date your own coach. Well, I think it's okay as long as both parties are mature enough to be able to set their priorities straight.

Jess: Why did you yell at me like that? You knew the ref was out of order!
Joe: Jess you could have cost us the tournament.
Jess: Well it wasn't my fault! You didn't have to shout at me.
Joe: Jess I am your coach, I have to treat you the same as everyone else. Look, Jess. I saw it. She fouled you. She tugged your shirt. You just overreacted, that's all. 
Jess: That's not all. She called me a Paki. But I guess you wouldn't understand what that feels like would you?
Joe: Jess, I'm Irish. Of course I understand what that feels like.

Truth be told I've dated my coach before. Thing is, our age difference isn't very great. He's only 2 years older than me! Mr 7 was my archery coach and we dated officially for a week but unofficially, things were muddy for quite a while. And after we broke up, my training began to suffer. Not because of him. It was because I couldn't stay focused. Archery is very much a mental sport. Yes you have opponents to compete against. But ultimately, it's just you, your bow and arrow, and the target board. It's all you. If you can't keep your focus on your breathing, your stance, your release, or your aim, you can't shoot well. And that's what happened. Instead of focusing on improving my form, my mind would wander. I would think about whether he was falling for another archer on the team, or whether this on-off on-off thing was real or not and many other things BUT my form. Eventually, I decided that being in close proximity of him was not doing me any good. And that's when I packed my bags and left for Australia. 

Don't get me wrong. I don't blame him. In fact, if it weren't for all this, I wouldn't have everything I have today. And I definitely wouldn't have learnt how to handle my emotions better. For 3 years I was a wreck. But damn it I let those 3 years go to waste and not learn something from it. And believe it or not, I'm still very good friends with him now. My friends who went through my ups and downs with me during those troubled 3 years would protest violently at my staying friends with him but I see no reason why I should end a friendship just because the relationship didn't work out. I'll explore more on this topic in the post on the film What's Your Number?, so look out for it. 

Joe: Look, I can't let you go without knowing. 
Jess: What? 
Joe: That even with the distance, and the concerns of your family, we might still have something. Don't you think? 
Jess: I'm back at Christmas. We'll tackle my mum and dad then.
Joe: Yeah.
Jess: I better go.
Joe: Okay.

Long distance relationships aren't easy. But they're not impossible. (See post on the film Like Crazy) I think the thing is to try to make it work. If you really do love someone, won't you do anything and everything to try and make things work out?

Same with a sport I guess. If you really love football like Jules and Jess, despite the odds, you're gonna make it happen.

Jess: It looks awful. That's why I can't wear shorts ever.
Joe: Jesus. That's a stunner. I thought I had a bad one on my knee but yours is gorgeous. Look, don't worry about it. No one's gonna care once you're out there. What happened?
Jess: You don't want to know.

Joe: Look. 2 operations later and it's still useless. Yours affect your game?

Jess: Nah it just looks awful. I was 8. My mum was working overtime at Heathrow. And I was trying to cook beans on toast. When I jumped up to the grill to get the toast, my trousers caught light so my sister put me in the bath, poured cold water over me and pulled them off. About half my skin came off too. 
Joe: Sorry. 
Jess: I know - put me off beans on toast for life. 
Joe: Come on. Mine stopped me from playing outright. Yours doesn't.

So why let a scar prevent you from playing football? Joe makes a very good point here. But what I really like about the scene above is Jess' humour. 

A Walk To Remember (2002)

Directed by Adam Shankman (1)

Cast: Mandy Moore (2), Shane West (3), Daryl Hannah (4), and Lauren German (5)

(Watch the trailer)

My favourite dialogue - 

Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.

And...

Landon: Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything about life, hope, and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But her love is like the wind, I can't see it. But I can feel it.

My favourite quotes - "Find out who you are and do it on purpose.", "Her love is like the wind, I can't see it. But I can feel it.", & "Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

Did You Know? - A Walk To Remember is the second Nicholas Sparks book to be adapted into a film. The first of his books to be adapted was Message In A Bottle in 1999. After A Walk To Remember, the following films were made - The Notebook (2004), Nights In Rodanthe (2008), Dear John (2010), The Last Song (2010), The Lucky One (2012), and Safe Haven (2013). Although Message In A Bottle was the first film adaptation, the book The Notebook was published first. 


A Walk To Remember was singer Mandy Moore's first feature film in a lead role. But it wasn't her film debut, her first foray into acting was in The Princess Diaries. And it was Anne Hathaway's film debut too. I already noticed Mandy Moore after her wonderful performance in The Princess Diaries, but that was just a minor role. So I wanted to see if she would impress me in A Walk To Remember and prove that she can act as well as she can sing. And that she did.

Yes. A Walk To Remember is a romantic drama, which is right up my alley. But I love it because it's about it's not just about two people falling in love. It's also about self discovery and faith. 

Jamie: Please don't pretend like you know me.
Landon: But I do. I do. We have all the same classes and same schools since kindergarten. Why you're Jamie Sullivan. You sit at lunch table 7, which isn't exactly the reject table but its definitely in the self exile territory. You have exactly one sweater. You like to look at your feet when you walk. Oh wait and yeah, and for fun you like to tutor on the weekends and hang out with the cool kids from the Stars and Planets. Now how does that sound?
Jamie: Fairly predictable. Nothing I haven't heard before. 
Landon: You don't care what people think about you?
Jamie: No.

I remember in Secondary School, I was part of a group of 5 girls. We were really close and we went everywhere together and did everything together. I wasn't the "leader" of the group and we weren't wild or bullies of the school or anything, but we didn't let anyone else in the group as well. But that didn't last very long. It's a little fuzzy to me now, but I think this is what went down. One time I got into a disagreement with one of the group members just before lunch break, and to make life easier on the other 3 in the group, I decided to eat lunch on my own without them. Instead of eating alone, I befriended a girl from my class who always alone and had lunch with her. We started chatting and I got to know her a little better. But after lunch, when I approached my friends, all 4 of them declared that I was no longer part of the group because I had betrayed them. Apparently I had made friends with someone the "leader" didn't like and while the others didn't agree with her verdict, they went along with it because of peer pressure. Well, suffice to say we stopped being friends after that. Looking back at it now, it's all pretty silly and childish, but quite hilarious. 

Do you care what people think about you? I do. Sometimes I feel that I care about what others think too much. I love the fact that Jamie doesn't care how others view her. She has her beliefs and sticks by them. That takes a lot of guts, especially in high school. I like that it didn't matter to her to be in the "in" crowd. 

Maybe the character of Jamie Sullivan is too perfect. And maybe some people will have a problem with that. But to me, it was because she was so good and perfect that her death hits you the hardest. 

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

Directed by Andy Tennant (1)

Cast: Reese Witherspoon (2), Josh Lucas (3), Patrick Dempsey (4), Candice Bergen (5), Fred Ward (6), and Dakota Fanning (7), Ethan Embry (8), Melanie Lynskey (9)

(Watch the trailer)

My favourite quote - "You see the truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago. My whole heart. And I never really got it back."

My favourite scene -

Melanie: Hey cowboy. You owe me a dance.
Jake: Nice dress. Where's your husband?
Melanie: I'm lookin' at him. Apparently you and I are still hitched.
Jake: Is that right?
Melanie: Yeah. Why didn't you tell me you came to New York?
Jake: I needed to make something of myself.
Melanie: About done?
Jake: What is it about you southern girls? You can't make the right decisions so you try all the wrong ones?
Melanie: At least I fight for what I want.
Jake: What do you want Melanie? I don't even think you know.
Melanie: You're the first boy I ever kissed Jake and I want you to be the last.
Jake: Maybe you and I had our chance.
Melanie: Fine! Have it your way you stubborn ass.
Jake: What do you wanna to be married to me for anyhow?
Melanie: So I can kiss you anytime I want.

Soul Mates (The One)

Personally, I feel that the best person to spend the rest of your life with is someone who would make you a better person. He may bring out the worst in you at times, but he also brings out the best in you. Can you ever forget your first love? Do you believe in soul mates? Sweet Home Alabama is all about first loves and soul mates. 

"Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten years old... I mean where's the fun in that right?"

I’ve heard of a few real life stories where people re-marry someone they’ve divorced before. Or even someone who used to date in the past and broke it off but re-connected again later in life and then got married. Some people think that the past is best left there, in the past. And with the film What’s Your Number?, I agree that the men in the lead character’s past should be left in the past. 

However, one shoe doesn’t fit all. And sometimes, people just need a little time apart to figure things out and grow before they can be together again. Of course, the best case scenario would be that the two individuals change and grow together side by side weathering everything that comes at them. 

Sometimes, people just need time and space to grow up on their own. Just like you have to allow your child to make his or her own mistakes so that they learn from them. Sometimes, when you love someone too much, it clouds your judgement about what is good or bad for her and for the relationship. There is a great big world out that besides your relationship with someone. Your world can’t just revolve around the person you love. That is highly destructive. 

Thinking about my first love, and mind you I don’t mean the first guy I dated but the first guy I fell in love with, I ask myself if I would want to be together with him again or whether I still loved him. The answer is no. But there have been others who would probably forever be to me ‘the one who got away’. And maybe to Patrick Dempsey’s Andrew Hennings in Sweet Home Alabama, Reese Witherspoon’s Melanie will be ‘the one who got away’. However, the focus is on Josh Lucas’ Jake and Reese Witherspoon’s Melanie. 

Meant To Be

Do you believe in soul mates? I hope that soul mates exist. Cos that would make life so much more interesting and perhaps more meaningful. But I wouldn’t dare claim I know what having a soul mate is like. Perhaps when I do find mine, I will know it for sure. This film resonates with me because despite the fact that Jake and Melanie brought out the worst in each other, they also brought out the best. They were able to change and become more focused in their lives, but still at the core of it all, they loved each other. When you love someone, fight for it. 

Lurlynn: You know, he went up there.
Melanie: Who? Jake? When?
Lurlynn: About a year after you left. He doesn't know I know, but Clinton let it slip once.
Melanie: Jake was in New York?
Lurlynn: He told Clinton he'd never seen anything like it. He realised straight off he'd need more than an apology to win you back. He needed to conquer the world first. He's been trying ever since.
Melanie: That's why he kept sending the papers back.
Lurlynn: Yeah, it's funny how things don't work out.
Melanie: It's funny how they do.

A song comes to mind right now that echoes these thoughts. Click here to listen to it. Listen to the lyrics and you will see what I mean.