Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield (2007)

Performed by: Natasha Bedingfield

Album: N.B.

What is your definition of a soulmate? To me, a soulmate is "someone who is brought into your life so that you can grow and be the best version of yourself. And when you feel a strong irresistible urge to enter a relationship with another person, that person could very well be your soulmate. A soulmate is someone who is put in this world with the ability to love you like you were made to be loved. Simply put, a soulmate is your one and only, the one you're destined to be with, the love of your life. It's a love that survives anything and everything, that struggles and pulls through. It's a love that makes you cringe at the thought that, had your life gone differently even for a millisecond, you may not have met this person - but in your heart you know you would have, some way, somehow, because soulmates always find one another." 

Before I settled on the above definition of a soulmate, the concept of a soulmate never really crossed my mind much because it's such a difficult thing to attain. Saying that someone is your soulmate is a BIG deal! And although it's just one word, or two some might argue, this one word encompasses A LOT! And seemingly unattainable really. 

In searching for what I think a soulmate is, I came across some quotes about the topic that I subscribe to and would like to share here with you. 

“True love is finding your soulmate in your best friend”  

- Faye Hall, My Gift To You

“Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you’ve met them before?”  

- JoAnne Kenrick, When A Mullo Loves A Woman 

“Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”  

- Shannon L. Alder

"Soul mates aren't perfect people. They can come into your life and provide polar emotional experiences from intense love to intense pain. Growth comes from both. And a soul mate helps you grow. It isn't just '... and they lived happily ever after' but '... and they lived!' " 

- Lori Chidori Phillips 

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person that you will ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake." 

- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray Love

What about you? Do you agree? Do you disagree? That there's a soulmate for everyone. I guess everyone deep down inside yearns to find their soulmate. And I agree with the lyrics of the song, a soulmate should "speak out if you do (exist and hear my cry), you're not easy to find". I think fate and destiny can only take you to the train station (so the speak), but it cannot force you to get on the train, and most certainly cannot decide which train you should take. That choice is yours and yours alone. So open your heart to the possibility of a soulmate and maybe yours just might appear in front of you. Of course, on the flip side  one could search till the ends of the earth and never find this one person. After all, there are SO MANY people in the world. If you can find this ONE person among the billions of people on earth, you are VERY lucky. And what if you think someone is your soulmate, then it turns out to be someone else? This soulmate business is really very tricky. 

But the song does make you believe and yearn to find this illusive soulmate. I can't deny that. And interestingly, I have recently wondered if I have indeed found my soulmate. Yes! It's a big deal. Because of the weight I place on the word soulmate. Some people use the word lightly. Words being the best tool I use to express myself, I tread carefully with the use of the word 'soulmate'. In fact, the word scares me. Yet it also thrills me. And to entertain the thought that I might have found a soulmate in someone makes me feel a million emotions. 

Fear being the most obvious and prominent emotion I can recognise feeling. Fear that I could be wrong. Fear that I could lose this person. Fear that he might not feel the same way.

To quote the movie Never Been Kissed, "that thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realise that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift, and you want to laugh, and you want to cry, cause you feel so lucky that you found it, and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."

I guess I just have to focus on the other emotions more. That, or I might just have to throw away all emotions about how I feel about the possibility of finding my soulmate and just enjoy whatever this is between me and this person.

So to this person, please love me. Cos it would totally suck if you turned out to be the kind of soulmate people usually read about in books and watch in movies, who turn out to be JUST your best friend.

The Nanny Diaries (2007)

Written and Directed by: Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini

Cast: Scarlett Johansson (1), Laura Linney (2), Chris Evans (3), Alicia Keys (4), and Donna Murphy (5)

(Watch the trailer)

My favourite quotes - 
" Just remember, Grove, that money can't buy love." & "Who is Annie Braddock? It wasn’t exactly a trick question yet somehow I couldn’t formulate a response. Of course I knew all the basic facts, the date of birth, hometown, socio-economic makeup but I didn’t know who I was, where I fit in, who I was gonna be. I was suddenly terrified I will never find an answer."

Did you know? - The film is based on a book of the same name and has a sequel called Nanny Returns. Written by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus, both of whom are former nannies. The book satirizes upper class Manhattan society as seen through the eyes of their children's caregivers. The writers were students at New York University’s Gallatin School of Individualised Study when they wrote the book. Both had worked as nannies for about 30 different wealthy families on the Upper East Side, where the book is set.

Happy birthday Ah Pak! And thank you for helping to bring me up and for taking care of me for 28 years. Ah Pak is what I call my maid/nanny. I've been calling her Ah Pak for as long as I can remember. She's been taking care of me since I was a year and a half. And to me she's family. In fact, I have on a handful of occasions accidentally called her "Mum". Sorry mummy! 

Yesterday was Ah Pak's birthday and late at night after I gave her the present I got her and her birthday cake, I watched The Nanny Dairies again because it seemed apt. I was deciding between The Help or The Nanny Dairies and well, the later seemed more appropriate. I don't really know why I didn't think to watch Mary Poppins since this film pays homage to it in some scenes of the film, but ultimately I settled for The Nanny Diaries. In fact, the show's titular character Annie was 21 when she became a nanny in the film. The same age Ah Pak was when she first came to Singapore and took care of me. 

While my parents were much more involved in my life and upbringing than in Grayer's life, and even though I'm not a rich kid living on Fifth Avenue, I can relate to Grayer on a small level, so I connected with this film easily. The following two sets of dialogue will tell you all you need to know about the obvious theme of the film.

Grayer: When I grow up, I want enough money to build the real castle.

Annie Braddock: Just remember, Grove, that money can't buy love.

Grayer: But mommy pays you money, and I love you!

Money can't buy love. To a child, all they want is to love and be loved by their parents. They want to know that no matter how good or bad they are, their parents will love them unconditionally. No one else can or should replace the parents in a child's life. Nannies or maids taking care and bringing up the children of various societies is becoming an ever-growing trend. It is evident not only in Manhattan, it happens here in Singapore as well. I know and understand that working adults find it hard to juggle their career and family. I think when or if I start a family, I will face that very same problem of being an absent parent. However, the situation depicted in the film is not so much a lack of time but the misplacement of importance. 

Annie Braddock: Okay Mrs. X, now it's time for a few simple childcare rules.
Parents Society Speaker: Oh, alright, the teddy bear has been compromised.
Annie Braddock: Slamming the door in your kid's face is NOT okay. Spending more time on a benefit for kids that you've never met than you do with your own blood is NOT okay. Going to a SPA when your son has a fever of a hundred and four and not answering emergency calls, that officially makes you an unfit mother.
Mrs. X: This is outrageous. Stop the tape.
Parents Society Speaker: Uh, no. This is clearly a disgruntled nanny. We might have something to learn here.
Annie Braddock: Now I know that you're really pretty busy with your hair appointments, and your watsu massages and your attempts to stay young so your husband won't leave you. But here's an idea! Why don't you try eating dinner with your child every once in a blue moon. And a heads up here lady, try smiling once in a while. People hate you. As for you Mr X, who the hell are you? Maybe you’re asking the same about me. I know you notice my ass but you probably don’t recognise my face so here’s a little hint okay, I’m the one who’s been raising your son. Grayer is not an accessory; his mother didn’t order him from a catalogue. Your son, your wife, are people in your home, human beings who are drowning in their desire for you to just, for you to look at them. You know the truth is I don’t wish either of you harm. If for no other reason than you having the profound privilege of being Grayer’s parents. Grayer loves you. He doesn’t care what you’re wearing or what you buy him or what school he gets into, he just wants you there. That’s it. And time’s running out, he won’t love you unconditionally that much longer. So for your own good, don’t miss out on getting to know him. He is truly an amazing, amazing little person.

Growing up on Hollywood movies and western ideas, I always watch films depicting the close parent-child relationships, where the parent reads to the child before bedtime, and the mother-daughter relationship is more reminiscent of best friends rather than between parent and child. But in a traditional Asian family setting, it is vastly different. 

In Asian families, there is an invisible line separating the father and the child, and there are certain boundaries the child and parent does not cross for the fear of diluting the role of the disciplinarian in the family. Asian mothers are more of a grey area. And it really depends on whether the father is the disciplinarian or the mother. And if you ask me which I prefer, despite being brought up in a traditional Asian style of parenting, I prefer to be my child's mother and best friend.

In a film with such a negative look at the parenting style of certain individuals, it is a huge contrast to the relationship between Scarlett Johansson's Annie and her mother Judy Braddock, played by Donna Murphy. They share a close relationship but the role of the disciplinarian is still present. Her mother has a lot of expectations and sometimes comes across as too overbearing. But she still loves her daughter enough to recognise that its her life to lead and whether she fails or succeeds, she will be there for her no matter what.